As I countdown the days with dread until my 30th birthday, I’ve been getting sentimental for the time when I could drink all night and feel fan-fucking-tastic the next day or eat an entire large combo pizza without crying in shame 30 minutes later. So I’ve been taking note of all the ways I am slowly but surely becoming an […]
Why is it that for some of us our bodies just hate this planet? I’m beginning to think Scientology was right, that the Evil lord Zenu sent us here cause I clearly don’t belong seeing as how every spring my body just says fuck it and stages a protest in the form of uncontrollable sneezing, […]
Like the fatty who gets a diet coke with their order of chili cheese fries, here are some examples of the biggest hypocrites I have encountered: Vaping to quit smoking. Now you vape more than you ever smoked: So you’ve decided to quit your pack a day habit, yet that vape pen is permanently attached to […]
These are just a few examples, but I’m sure your douchebaggery knows no bounds
1. Arriving first when meeting up with someone Back in the day you had to sit there and actually make eye contact with strangers while waiting. Now you can just play candy crush and avoid all non necessary human interaction. 2. Meeting your significant other’s parents If I were single, I’d look […]
You’ve made the choice to pick up some ass widening fast food from the comfort of your vehicle. You make your selection which you will no doubt regret later. But you tell yourself you’ll take an extra kickboxing class this week or make “better choices” tomorrow You finally make it to what you think is […]
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