13 Things All Fat Girls Are Tired Of Hearing

I’ve been told some of the things below from family members, friends, and a random chick standing in line behind me at the grocery store. I have also had some fellow chubbettes confess to me the idiotic things people have said to them. Here are a few gems that stand out:

1. “How can you date/marry/sleep with someone skinnier than you?”

Who says as a chick you have to be slimmer than your gentleman caller? We don’t get to choose what we find attractive and if you have a few pounds on your hubby and he treats you like the plump princess you are, who cares what the haters say.

2. “You have such a pretty face!”

So you’re saying the rest of me is ugly?? The only worst backhanded compliment is “Gee for a fat lady, you don’t sweat much!”

3. “I bet she has candy, cake, donuts etc. all over her house.”  

Even if I did, I sure wouldn’t share with you! I’d like to construct a three bedroom home entirely of Cinnabons, Choco tacos, and snickers, but in the California sun its just not feasible.

candy-hidden-under-fruit-in-bowl-article4. “If you just stopped eating late at night you’d lose all the weight”

Really now? I didn’t realize I was a mogwai and couldn’t eat after midnight. So if I just stuff my face before the sun goes down none of the calories count?

5.”If you’re ever ready we could be gym buddies!”

So you’re saying I’ve just given up on life and am hoping someday to be “ready” ? I’d rather keep my extra 40 lbs than have to spend 7 minutes with you on the treadmill next to me.

6. “Don’t you want to be healthy?”  

There are tons of healthy and unhealthy people in all shapes and sizes. A relative of mine was identified as a match for someone in desperate need of a donor kidney. This particular family member is overweight and survives mostly on Starbucks and the Micky D’s dollar menu, yet she was told by a doctor at Johns Hopkins she has the healthiest liver he had ever seen and was in excellent health. Mind blown!

healthy
“You might die of a heart attack, but at least you’ll be lookin’ skinny in your casket”

                             

7. “Do only black guys hit on you?”

I’ve been hit on by Blacks, Mexicans, Whites, Eskimos, etc. As long as you’re smiling you’re bound to get hit on. No one wants to hit on the chick with constant resting bitch face.

8. “Is everyone else in your family big?”

No. Is everyone else in your family an asshole? My sister who is just 18 months younger than me has had 2 kids, has always been able to eat more than me, and has always been much thinner. She got the skinny gene, while I got the sarcastic smart ass gene. So clearly I came out on top!!!

9. “Just cut out soda. I did and lost a ton of weight”

I haven’t had a soda since there was New Coke and Crystal Pepsi so no, that’s not where all chub comes from. *side note, this does not apply to me, but have heard this comment enough times I had to mention it. Diet Mountain Dew and I have a love affair that can never be extinguished. 

coke opening face
“Me hearing the crack of the can of Diet Dew opening”

                                               

10. “Aren’t all big girls better at ……”

If you have the gall to ask a question like that, chances are you’ll never find out.

11. “You look just like *Insert large celebrity here* ”

Just cause we weigh about the same doesn’t mean we all look alike, that’s “weightist” yo! My grandmother once told me I looked like Khloe Kardashian. The only thing we have in common is being over 5 foot 7 and our propensity to insert the word fuck in every sentence.

12. “Aren’t you afraid he’ll leave you for someone skinnier?”

 There’s always gonna be someone prettier, thinner, and can rock a pair of jeggings better than you in your mates vicinity. If a relationship hinges on looks, than its not a very good relationship is it? You know you’ve found the one when you two can eat an extra large pizza together (wings optional) while watching an entire season of Dexter on Netflix and still have the mojo to get it on afterward.

hater
“Bitch better keep those away from my man”


13. “You’re not fat!”

I know I am, you know I am, lets call a spade a spade ok. Don’t be patronizing. 

Have anything else to add? Please share in the comments below!

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