Like the fatty who gets a diet coke with their order of chili cheese fries, here are some examples of the biggest hypocrites I have encountered:
Vaping to quit smoking. Now you vape more than you ever smoked:
So you’ve decided to quit your pack a day habit, yet that vape pen is permanently attached to your lips. I know the jury is still out on whether these are 100% safe, but you ARE 100% annoying if you walk around like a mini choo choo train with clouds of vapor all around you.
Your’e super devout yet lie and cheat more than anyone:
Some of the douchiest people I’ve met claim to be very religious. As if being a regular churchgoer will make God be like “oh you just shoplifted while on the way to have an affair all while taking the lords name in vain, its cool bro cause your ass was in the pew last Sunday”.
Complain about people on welfare while you lie on your taxes:
Don’t get me wrong, someone who collects SSDI because of sciaphobia (fear of shadows, yeah that’s a real phobia and someone has REALLY claimed they cant work and collected disability because of it) and gets way more money and better healthcare than I ever hope to acquire really grinds my gears. But that’s nothing compared to all the bullshit loopholes and deductions people and business claim on their taxes each year. I’ve totally never done this …My Louis Vuitton luggage was a legit travel business expense! Were all fucking over the government in our own way.
Say only dorks and nerds play video games, yet your addicted to Candy Crush:
People talk shit about gamers insisting they must be pimply virgins in their parent’s basement eating Doritos while playing Call Of Duty for 18 hours straight. Yet these same folks are playing candy crush at stop lights, at weddings and funerals, while having sex, basically any time you’d rather be doing something else.
Publicly vent how much you hate your parents. Keep taking money from them:
I have un-followed a few youngins’ for this very reason. Just like a goldigging slut, you gotta just take it and keep your mouth shut if you want that dinero. If you wanna be able to tell Ma and Pa where to stick it, you have to at least move out first.
You can’t believe anyone still smokes cigarettes since its so unhealthy, yet your 50 lbs overweight:
Smoking is one of the vices you can still shame people publicly about and no one will argue with you, even if the person doing the shaming has a mouth full of jalapeno poppers while chuggin along in their rascal scooter looking for red velvet oreos at Walmart. You’re the filthy smoker don’t you know!
Talk shit about pot heads while you drink a handle of vodka every week:
Pot is becoming legal everywhere now, but there are still those handful of people out there who think once its legalized people will be token up on every street corner blowing smoke into adorable babies faces. That same bitch probably hits happy hour at TGI Fridays every night and tries to find the route home least likely to have a DUI check point.
Saying you support a cause yet do nothing to offer support:
Truth time, I’m way guilty of this. I become very crochtity every October due to it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I feel like many companies just sell pink shit to make more money and make themselves look good in the public’s eye. At the same time its not like I’m volunteering at any chemotherapy centers or at least checking any homeless women downtown for lumps.