1) Being too hesitant at a stop sign:
This is the only situation where being drunk behind the wheel would be beneficial.Then people would actually have some balls and just say fuck it I’m going.
2) Someone cuts you off, there’s no one behind you, AND they go 20 mph:
God forbid you wait 5 seconds for me to pass before you come into my lane cause you can’t be late to pick up the children you hate and hate you from soccer practice. kill yourself.
3) When it merges down to one lane and someone is clearly trying to cut ahead:
You have a better chance of finding the movie you want at Redbox on a Friday night than me letting you in. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.
4) Motorcyclists or bicyclists acting like they OWN the road:
I could turn you into a hood ornament. Why do you insist on getting within inches of me? All these people have a death wish I’d like to grant, but prison orange isn’t my color.
5) Stick figure family stickers, eyelashes on headlights, ball sacks on trucks:
If you have any of these accessories on your car just find the nearest cliff and jump off. I guarantee your a complete tool who asks to “see a manager” every time you go to Applebees and your burger is “too dry”.
6) Not knowing how to use a roundabout:
I swear to god I’m just gonna ram into the next person who just enters a roundabout without looking. Drivers act like this is some super complex european intersection and give no fucks about yielding.
7) Brazen crossing guards:
It never fails that I’m running late for work and encounter the dried up spinster of a crossing guard who stops traffic for every little Timmy with crutches who needs to get across. Do the world a favor and take this asshole on a power trip out.
8) Not pulling far enough over to make a turn so everyone behind you is stuck:
Your Mazda Miata has plenty of room to scootch on over so I can get past you, But in your head that bitch is a range rover with 30 inch rims you dont wanna scratch on the curb.
9) Rubbernecking at the scene of an accident:
Why do some people get a boner off of seeing the carnage of twisted metal? Watch an episode of Tosh.0 if you wanna see horrible injuries that make you nauseous.